Assumptions, Relationships Termites...
I left Egypt almost five years ago. I had two amazing house helpers from the Philippines, for privacy reasons I will call the first Linda, the second Felly. Linda was part of our family for almost 15 years, Felly for about 2 years.
When I left Egypt they both went back home. We stayed in touch up to date, and I tried to hire them back to Canada but it was not easy.
From time to time I help them, as life is difficult for both of them and their families. A few weeks ago I noticed that Felly who is my Facebook friend had a baby. As usual from time to time we message and she asks to come back or for extra help. This time when she messaged me, I asked her how come you need help and you got a new baby?
One more time I realized what I have done; told myself a story!!
Felly answered that this baby is not hers, the biological mother gave her the baby as she could not support!!!! Felly who is already in trouble showed up for this poor mother and adopted her child.
The Fall: Telling myself a story that was only an assumption, feeling irritated from Felly. By the way this in not the first time I realize that my story had nothing to do with reality.
The Progress: I did not keep it to myself like I used to do in the past, I went straight to her and asked and cleared the whole situation and appreciated Felly more than ever!!
“Assumptions are the termites of relationships” Henry Winkler
When we unconsciously make assumptions and judgment about:
· The other’s behavior
· The intention behind the other’s behavior, that is THE HUGE trap!!
We are unconsciously negatively affecting relationships. As a result, we become the expert on the other and not the self. We are always in the other business and not our business. Sure enough the business you neglected collapses, your life!
This is an invite to:
· Pause once you notice you are assuming or judging the other.
· Ask yourself whose business am I in.
· Get clear on what you think, feel and most Important want
· Proceed to the other and share your thoughts using the “I Think…., I feel….. The statement, and I want…. ”
This last step can shifts relationships. When we proceed with clarity about our thoughts, our feeling and what we want and start the conversation, it takes completely different turn than when we start with YOU did or you said, the mind takes that as an attack, and that is mind talk. When we start by when I saw or when I heard, I thought ….. and that made me feel…. . That’s a huge difference because, One, you are in your business, you are simply sharing your thoughts and feelings. Two, you connected from your emotions, from your heart, not your judgmental mind.
Examples of assumptions in relationships:
1. If you love me you will know what I am thinking.
2. If you just do X or Y, everything would work out.
3. You should put me first.
4. People are always cheating me
For more on assumptions and relationships: